Let’s be fair - To Melanin.

I was 16. I vaguely remember one of my evening walks with my Thatha where we had our usual deep conversations (or I'd like to term it so). My Thatha, I'd like to believe is one of the most progressive men I've known. There was a discussion about color (99% of my family members are as dark or even darker than me) and I told him 'I've never felt bad about my color Thatha. Why do people say anything about black at all? I don't understand'. And honestly, at that point I didn't. Cos what difference does it make to a 16 year old right. When I look at the mirror I went 'what earrings do I wear today? My kaajal looks pretty'. Nothing struck me about the black. Nothing at all. His reply to my question was 'It won't matter to you, but it does, to the world'. The then naïve me, didn't understand what he said. I replied 'Ha ha'.

Fast forward 10 years, I was talking to a good male friend about dating and relationships. It was one of our philosophical conversations. Somewhere along the way, he goes, 'Well, I have a point to make, but don’t get offended cos it may offend you. Let me tell you something. When it comes to choosing their girls, guys prefer fairer women’. And I go 'wait. where is this coming from?’. No black/dark skin-tone person ever feels they are dark, until someone reminds them of it, “casually”.

Not to mention the 10 years in between where there have been multiple small manifestations of the same. I’ve heard the brother of a guy who thought I was attractive ask him - 'Her? Seriously Macha? Why da! She is so dark’. And apparently, he was mocked by his bros when he confessed he likes me. I’ve also been the topic of 'casual jokes' by some of my close friends, mostly males.

There isn’t much difference between what I was told at 16 by a man who was three generations ahead of me and at 26 by a man who is not even three years older. I’m not here to argue, discuss perspectives or generalize anybody or anyone here.

Because no one can deny the stigma attached to the color tone. There wouldn’t be need for fairness creams in the country if otherwise. $450M is the worth of the industry in our country. From matrimonial ads specifying 'fair skin' before other details to fairness cream ads showing women with fair skin getting better jobs, to the next door aunty saying 'ladki thodi dark hai’, to boys commenting 'Dei Ava karuppi macha’, the stigma is undeniable.

Here’s the flip side of it. In retrospect, I’ve always been a person who has worked so bloody damn hard to develop my mind, body and personality and have believed that those are more important factors in a human being. And very recently I came to know that it was not very unique or outstanding to feel that way. Apparently science proves that women who are dark/fat/not within the stereotypical standards of beauty, subconsciously understand that their looks don’t create the impact, so they work extra hard to develop their personality. Eureka!

So, do I feel small because of my color? No. Do I feel I’m less beautiful because of my skin tone? No again. Have I felt that as a disadvantage? Largely no, sometimes yes! Have I felt less sure of my looks? Yes, at times. And at big times, preventing me from doing things I may even regret for a lifetime. But was it because of the color - I do not know. Do I get disgusted when I meet people with the stigma (and audaciously claim they don’t) - YES. Because just like SO many other open and secretive stigmas of the world we live in - Color, especially that of a woman is a BIG one. Ask yourself? You may not be the “I hate black people", but you may have an edge, an untold, not confronted one which makes you prefer the white over the black.

To all you fellow dark women out there - For all you know, you’re a much better human being and a personality than the fair chick next to you. Not taking anything away from them or comparing the both, but with all good intent and good will I’ll just tell you to believe in yourselves like you always have and become better versions of yourselves everyday. Your life is just yours to live, not that of a pea headed man / woman (largely men) who think you’re not beautiful ❤️ We’re amazing! To all those who are short sighted to look beyond the color, ✌️ we’ve learnt to look beyond your flaws 🙂

P.S: It took a little bit of vulnerability to write this. But what's the point of calling yourself progressive and a catalyst for change but not being vulnerable enough to talk about things that matter!

After thought : Maybe all of us need to live lives with the Outlook of a 16 year old. No biases. Just face value. The 16 year old had all the potential to be progressive, the 26 year old has all the reasons to be regressive, except one - Being fair!