Miles ahead, eons to go..

Okay, as much as I'd like to research, put in facts, write more coherently, I don't have the patience or to put it right - I don't want to kill my emotions right now. So I'll just pen down what is running in my head.

Women’s day is approaching, and we’re going to have our news feed flooded with “happy women’s day"s from women who don’t speak up for their right except for when they do so on social media, from men who think they are being magnanimous because they’re acknowledging the day and respecting 'the weaker sex' by doing so, women who deny the existence of the day and squeal that they need to be celebrated everyday while they don’t take any measure to do so, men who think feminism is eating their heads and argue that it is wrong without knowing what it stands for - basically their insecurities talking. What if women attain equality.. will we be overridden?? BS!!

But the truth is, that we are eons away from attaining the state of equality. We've come miles ahead due to the effort made by 20% of the women who stood up and probably 2-3% of the men who have helped them stand up..

It hurts me, when a relative says "let’s get her married at 24, else guys won’t find her desirable"

It hurts me when a neighbor says "don’t let your girl study beyond a point. Maapla kedaikadhu". I’m not kidding. I have a best friend who was not allowed to interview for a Ph.D at IIT, after being shortlisted, because of the exact same reason!

It kills me when someone says "we have only limited income, let your brother go to school. He needs to run a family, you need to just manufacture babies elsewhere"

It annoys me when the husband says "we need to attend my brother’s wedding while your sister is getting married in another city"

It hurts me when an aunty says, "she needs to wear right clothes. Men are men they will stare"

It hurts me when someone even THINKS that a girl is responsible for everything in the house except earning money.

Damn it aren't you supposed to be washing your own underwear and cleaning your own saliva from your plates?

It disappoints me when someone says, "ladki hai.. she’ll work only so much. Let’s not promote her"

The list is ENDLESS..!!!

1. There is still a major portion of the world where the girl kids are not allowed to even go to school. Oh, we don't care do we? Like we care about the 264 million children out of school while we are happy in our AC buildings. Forget about the girl kids.

2. The girls who have been given the privilege of being educated, getting degrees and having jobs, which is majority of those who are reading this post - How much do we care about actually building a career? Do we really care about living a life, for us inspite of having husband and kids? How many times do we stand up to our husbands and say "why don’t you do the chores today". Forget it. How many of us even care about ourselves after a point? We lose it. I’m not saying, choose between a family and career, I’m saying do the right thing that suits you and choose it because YOU want it. Not because your parents brainwash you or your husband is a big fat puppy who needs you to cover up for his farts all the time. I mean, I don’t get it — How the hell are we okay with living FOR someone? Be it in any damn set up! You compromise because you love someone, but you don’t sacrifice your life. You might as well be dead if you can’t lead that one life given to you, the way you want it. Balance the ratios, and do it wise because we’ll all be dead in no time and there is no point worrying about it in the death bed. For all we know, we might not live long enough. Anything can happen tomorrow.

3. To all my darling men out there - do not think you’re being so generous by "letting your wife work", "going above and beyond to wash the vessels or cleaning the room", "allowing your wife to wear what she likes","permitting her to send money back home to HER parents". ALL this, does not make you a better man!!! You’re only being a NORMAL human even after doing all of this..

And THAT is what the world needs. For men to be normal human beings and look at women as normal humans and not as creatures meant for adding caramel to their lives. Every human has his right of thought, speech and action - so does a woman!

We've raised an entire generation of millennial women to be educated, independent and powerful. (Not enough, because there are a huge chunk of the above adjective holders who fail to live how they actually want to live) But we've also failed in teaching the men of the generation on what to expect - right now, they need their women to work, because that's the cool thing, but I'm not sure they really understand what it means coz it means a lot of extra work dear boy. And since the Indian society gets us married to a stranger, you hardly know if the man is that one in a million.. !!

I am deeply hurt by the expectations, norms and the way this world works and it is devastating to listen to people speak illogical stuff that I wonder whether it actually comes out of their ass. I’m serious!

So, to all the women out there - I beg you to choose what you want, keep your self respect, and live life the way you want it. You are not entitled to change the way you live. I know enough of you who seem happy to Instagram and Facebook but are dying inside! It is okay to stay single till 30 because the guy doesn’t accede to your demands of equality, it is okay to be termed "stubborn" by your MIL and FIL because you don’t adjust, it is okay to be termed bossy by a guy who can’t handle your brains, it is okay to have a kid or to not have one, it is okay to be anything until you are not hurting another life. No I’m not talking about hurting your families because most of it is the random emotional drama that tries to make you a guilt ridden victim. Do not let people take advantage of the extra love and compassion that you’re born with.

Men - please understand that you're depriving the right of a human being to live their life to the fullest because of your intentional/unintentional actions.

In my entire lifetime, I've come across just a very few men, that I can count with my hand who have embraced equality and live by it. I am proud and honored to be their friend, but it is only saddening to know that there aren't many like them! Because that is how we are SUPPOSED to be.

Answer this? Why are girls responsible for maintenance of "culture" even when the word means BS! Culture is again a human made institution to hide insecurities. Even that is a woman's responsibility. How many times have we heard - "If a girl drinks/smokes, the family's respect is lost, the society becomes worse and the community is in shame". NONSENSE. Wait. I'm not advocating drinking or smoking here. In fact I don't support it either way. I'm just saying that it is harmful to any person doing it, man or woman. And it ends there. It should have NOTHING to do with culture, respect, virginity..name more because I know you have more.

On a positive note,

Whether you want it or not, we’re headed there, sooner or later. And it is a choice for the rest of the world to evolve with it or stay where you are - suit yourself. With every effort that you make to prevent it, I don’t deny that it pains, but all that pain will be converted into drive. Drive to convert all of the pain to taking leaps towards equality. Sisterhood is growing and it isn’t stopping anytime soon. All I’m saying is let’s make more people live more meaningful lives in whatever time we have. Women who think they are being the rare, cool “women who (think) will be liked by the men”, by sharing "we don’t do this, we don’t do that, yes we still exist" shit on social media - Don’t worry! Just like you enjoy the fruits of the efforts taken by women who lived decades before you, 20% of us are still fighting to build a better world for your daughters. Just one ask - don’t teach the same shit to them by claiming to be a mother. Please. Don’t pass on the trauma to them. Try to help or just stay away.

Like I said, all of the above are very few of the aspects under "equality" that I've covered. Probably what is most relevant to me now. I am not doing a research paper for me to cover all aspects and draw the links across them. So yes, this is what it is and I don't think there is even an ounce of fallacy in the above, and there is no counter argument which can stand a chance. You know it, I know it, we all know it.

A very happy Women’s day! Let 2019 be a year where we get a step closer to equality!

-Haritha Sudha Maheshkumar